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31 March 1980 |
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PERSONAL AD........or SOMETHING........
Im 28 Male, good shape,ador animals. I am BI when it comes to Beasts, I love them both. I have to admit Im Curious when it come to humans though. I live life as a straight Male and would love to meet a female (human) into the same things. If things click I wouldnt mind long term thing. Very open minded guy. I am a discreet person so no need to worry about taboos,kinks,fedishes or fantasies. We all have them. Merry Matings WHITEWOLF
ME IN BRIEF........
I spend my days at my career and hobby working on cars. When not working on cars, I hang out with my good friends and family. When hanging out I enjoy BBQ'n, stories, movies, putting a smile on peoples faces. I use up my free time traveling (anywere I can go that interest me) retoring classic cars/trucks. Dirtbiking in the mountains or AMA hillclimbs. round out the rest of my time camping, hiking,mountain biking, and taking care of friends and neighbors furry ones.( they are my extended family.)
In general I live a fast life and enjoy the hell out of it. I found after going though HELL (see below) 6 years ago, I could "get busy living or get busy dieing" . So I do ....Im busy livin , but never forget my HELL. I love to help others that have gone though hell as I have, if only to give them someone to talk to.
Friends discribe me as a great friend with a big heart, always giving more than exspected in return.
HISTORY.............
As for most zoos, I found my love early on in life.
I have always been shy, ever since I can remember. This gains little friends as a kid. Though I kept what friends I had close. I didn't always have someone to go to when in need.
I have been around animals since I was a wee four eyed redheaded baby. My first gardian (non human) was a white german sheperd. She watched over me and my bro keeping us safe. I would pull at her, hang, tug and sleep on her. She made sure I was well loved. When she passed, it was the first time in my life I felt true pain. I was only about 4 years old and that is one of my earliest memories.
We soon got a Golden Retriever, good old MAX. In the 14+ years of his life we grew up together, he was always waiting for me when I got home, slept at the foot of the bed(well often in the bed with me). He would be with me and watch over me as I grew up. Often times when I got sent to my room he would follow close behind, head hanging as if he was introuble too.
As I matured and went though middle school and high school he was there to hug and console me when no human could. He knew when I had a bad. He would lay with me on the bed and watch tv or listen to the radio, I would lay with my arm around him and with a smile and a sloppy kiss from him. He could always make me smile.
Life was good (I guess, I didnt think so then. But know others have had worse) for the most part. I have to admit I was a "nerd" or "dork" and did not fit into any groups or whatever. I simply had my own ideas, beliefs and likes. I wasn't going to change to fit in. Later to find out most the people that picked on me, either envied me or had the same likes. (Yes I forgave alot of them, and even became friends) But I didnt forgive the ones that physically abused me leaving scars, broken bones, stolen and damaged property, etc.)
Anyway Still very shy, girls were confusing and they gave me butteryflies and I felt stupid around them. As we all do. I guess. Going though a hormonal overload I had the sex drive of a rabbit from an early age. I lost my virginaty many years before it was legal to a cute girl down the street and later her sister and I hooked up.
I soon moved and was in a whole new hell. A new home again, new school, new state. I soon met a friend who turned out BI talked me into playing around. Nervous at first but he was a friend soo... well I found that I liked guys as well as gals. At this point I had not gone as far with guys as I had with woman, But I was curious?! One day my Bi friend and I were looking at a dirty mags together and having no pants on, his black lab mix came in and started probing around!!!! watching his dogs tongue work his man hood and then mine ...I well, was hooked and I was very confused and HORNY AS HELL.
I was home shortly after that alone in my bedroom, me and my right hand treating my body like a rollercoaster, .....when Max came in to see me as if he was concerned, he jumped up on the bed and looked at me jacking off. I stopped kinda unsure almost as if I thought he would tell on me! He moved closer and sniffed at my crotch as if to say" keep going its ok" and started to lick me!......OMG his tongue hit spots I'd never seen with out a mirror! what a rush . after that we lay together for a long time. I now didn't know what to do. Was I gay? Striaght? What is it when you have sex with animals? Is it a phase? I was young just a boy, ignorant, inexperienced. All I knew was at that moment with Max I felt right, felt good, down right great! I liked that. I lost my Bi best friend in an accident about 6 years ago. This on top of living in two different states, four different homes , five different schools, not wanting to make new friend because I hated saying goodbye. All this in the most impressionable time of my life.
Always being the quiet new guy at school with glasses and red hair was a recipie for an A$$ kicking. To top that I was always wearing hand me downs that were not cool when new, needless to say second hand! I finally settled in California, but life wasn't much easier. I dated girls in high school, but never seemed to pick the ones that were mentaly stable. I don't know why but not once but twice I have had girlfriends that planned to or actual started to plan our weddings without my knowledge. That wasn't normal after only a week or two?! But the girls I had for friends were awsome, never understood that. Lost a couple of other friends and some family in those high school years, but I had Max there for me, always.
I loved him till one day prior to going off to college, poor Max could no longer stand up. Over 14 years old now, my friend was weak and arthritic. He lay in the same spot all day, I would go home at lunch and help him to his feet, take him to the yard and back. I lost him soon after that and found out I truely cared for him more than most people I have ever met. He always showed me true love and companionship.
I moved across the contry for school, another move, another school. Were I met people there and life was fun but, I was empty inside. Something was missing. I worked full time at work and school. Also had a part time job. One day as a favor to a friend I helped out at a non-kill animal shelter. It was to be a one day thing for a quick buck.... but I found what was missing, I was there for yard work and such.
But on a break I went over to the dog kennels, there was a few dogs in the yard playing so I went in and sat on the bench were I was greeted by my new K9 friends. The owner came out and saw me with them and offered me a job. I took it! I spent my free time there with the doggies, training, working with them and cleaning up after them. Most of the dogs were concidered "agressive" "not adoptible" "too old" with love I helped many of the dogs become faithful companions. When I was there nothing else mattered in life. I was free of stress.
I soon moved again and had to say goodbye. I came back to a new career and life as a profesional. I hated my first job out of school, over a 100 mile commute a day into the sun. To a boss who thought he knew everything (we all know someone like that) I spent my required year at my job and then left for my current job.
*******SHASTA*******
While between jobs I was driving around one day when I stopped at a local shelter, I did this from time to time to see the doggies. But I new I couldn't adopt. No were to keep a dog. But this day after going up and down almost all the dogs in the "avail" section, when I decided for some reason to see the dogs on the other side of the kennel. Were the "agressive" "unadoptible" "sick" or dogs scheduled for distruction "death row" were. I opened the door to 30 + dogs barking, howling and such.
As I walked, I noticed this one dog, there she was.....she just sat there. Not barking, just staring out though the gate. As I got closer our eyes locked. All the barking stopped (I could not hear it anymore) she got up and met me at the corner of the kennel. Stood up gently, eyes still locked. She pressed into the corner were I could pet her through the crack. I smiled at her and a swear she smiled back. I let her sniff my hand and she wimpered and leaned into my hand. I cupped her head in my hand and pet her with my fingers though the fencing. What a sweet heart! I was in love, I never felt this before. Was it love at first sight? After wispering sweet nothings into her ear. I let go and dropped down to her eye level, she put one paw up on the fence against my hand. We talked about everything the afternoon without saying a word.
I looked at her card and it said "very agressive" what? then read on, all bad things. I inquired about her and was told she was scheduled for termination! In the next two days. knowing I couldn't do anything, I left sadly.
I went over to a friends house, a friend I have had for almost 10 years. I knew everything about him . Yah right! I told him and his wife about this dog I just met at the shelter and how sad it was that she was going to be terminated. They said go get her! I told them NO I couldnt. After they convinced me to and told me that I could keep her there with there husky mix.
We all went down to the shelter and met "Shasta" they brought their husky mix but he stayed on the other side of the fence. Shasta and the husky met and hit it off well. I adopted her that day and they told me that she was going to be put to sleep that day and would have had I not adopted her. She was off to the vet to be spayed. I was to pick her up in two days.
I became extremely ill and was bed ridden. When I was abile to get out of bed the only thing I wanted was to see shasta. I went to the vet to see her. I had no energy. She sat next to me on the tailgate of my truck for an hour. Just like Max had. She leaned close and was there just for me. I looked into her eyes and my heart melted again. She had to go back for her surgery so I had to wait again. Two days later Shasta and I rode home in my new truck, side by side, windows open instant pals! I felt great.
I agreed to build a kennel for both of the dogs and buy food and treats etc, at my friends house. But it soon turned bad. I loved her, we spent every second we could together. She walked at my side when I built her kennel. My friend being a perfectionist, another friend and I built the most elabrite kennel ever. Best wood, screws , bedding, walkway, everything, I spent all I had at the time.
Now being the sole provider for both dogs, there new kennel, food, baths cleaning up etc. I made it work. because at the time it was worth it.
Shasta would spend her days with me and night in the kennel, somtimes at home with me. I never needed a leash, she wouldn't let anyone between us. We would hang out working on cars together, go to dog parks, open spaces and even went hunting with me and friends. All I needed to say was "truck" and that would wake her from a deep sleep. She was my co-pilot.
I never felt such attraction from anyone or anything as I did with her. The only thing left to share with eachother was physical love. I was unsure of going that far, but it felt soo right. But I knew she was fixed so there was no way. It was different now, the feelings were so strong. Different from the others, human or k9. I fought the feeling and held back best I could. But shasta wouldn't hear of it. She used all the tricks in the book on me. She would flag me, tail striaght up exposing herself, she even tried to mount me.
I gave in to love and lust. I did what I could and manualy stimulated her to her liking. We would wresle naked together and enjoyed a good 69ing then curl up into a ball together were we passed out from pleasure. She would wake me with a sweet kiss and tail wagging. She even woke me one morning, I was suffering from morning wood, she gently worked my wood into a sticky mess. She did so much for me, I was happy, we were happy. But as it seems in my life it wouldn't last.
My friends wife (whos idea it was for me to go back and adopt her) said she was no longer welcome there! what the F@#$! I couldn't keep her there, she was not welcome were I was living. I had to board her. But being kicked out. I did what I could. Having a new job at night made things worse, our time was becoming little due to me working hours were I couldn't pick her up. I even would bring her to work and she would sleep in my truck. I felt horible now, what could I do. I now had messed up hours, spending all my time and cash on her (I didnt mind about the cash) but life was not good for her. I could tell she was stressed but still wanted to make me happy.
I.......after many sleepless days decided to look for foster family. I was reluctant to do so. But I found a friend of a friend that wanted to take care of her. He told me he was available most the day for her and I could come over when ever I wanted to see her. I thought that was great! He told me as soon as I had a place for her I could have her back.
This worked out great. I would go over to see her and pick her up for the day and we would have our fun. Ride in the truck, visit friends, run in the open space. Oh and of coarse our personal time.
Her new caretaker told me that she would cry at the window when I left. She would watch my truck drive off. I could always feel her in my heart as I left, I could taste it in my throat. I got a call one day from her caretaker and he told me he was taking her on a road trip with him. OK I thought a road trip only a couple days. Three weeks later nothing, no call, no mail, NOTHING. I found out he wasn't on a roadtrip. He bought a bus and was traveling around the freakin world!!!!!
After more than two months he calls and said he was in Berkley Ca. and I could come and see her. I jumped into the truck with my friend and girlfriend at the time (she cheated on me and got pregnet) and drove as fast as I could to get there. When I saw here she was beside her self. She was on a leash jumping and whinning, tail wagging at light speed. I ran over to her and she jumped into my arms, licked and kissed my face. I held her tight and she proceded to drench my face and hair.
She was a mess. He said he was sorry for the miscommunication. I took her for the day and cleaned her up and had her checked out. (save you the details, it was messy) Still no place to keep her we spent the night together in the truck, I just held her with her head on my chest , breathing in sych with her, tears rolling out of my eyes. Knowing I put her though hell. I hated myself for it. I had to give her back but just for a week. I would have a place.
A week later I get a letter from the shelter that she was adopted from. She was being held for observation. WHAT! I could not get a hold of her caretaker AGAIN. Finally I got to the shelter and was told that she "nipped " at someone. Only to find out Shasta was playing with another dog that she stayed with and a stupid F%#& stranger wanted to pet them and got grazed. No broken skin, just another stupid person panicing. I said I wanted her and they told me since she was in the care of the other guy that he had to ok her release, and it would cost $900 dollars in fees!!!!!! OK heres the $900 I said. They told me NO not with out the other guy. Call after call to this caretaker!!! Nothing he was gone!!!!! called everyone I knew to get a hold of him. Nothing!!!! they said she was going to be put to sleep TODAY! I waited there until they closed, they wouldn't even let me see her (A$$ Holes)
SHE WAS GONE................
The next day JACK A$$ caretaker calls and said OH by the way there was an incident. Too late ! click. To this day I still tear up for her years later. I have been connected /bonded to animals ever since. I find it hard to trust people anymore, animals don't lie. My socalled friend that I spent alot of time with, that started this all . I now rarely see. He now has two dogs of his own, and uses the kennel I built for him as a chicken coop. All the people that made it so hard on us (shasta and I) I don't feel as close to anymore, even family. My best friend to date That I grew up with(he helped with kennel) Is the only one that knows how much I was hurt by this and when he talks about it he gets pissed.
I have spent the last 5 years recovering. Never though a dog could touch me that way. She changed my life.
I came here to BF to learn more about me and to meet others like me. I now know I am a Bi-zoo and Bi-curious man living in a cut thoat world. I still work my career at the same job, and amagin this....... all that have done me wrong are going though their own hells now. (carma's a bitch)My old know it all boss got a job as a tech support for our company and comes to my work and has yet to this day been abile to fix a thing.....He comes to us to learn and most my co-worker knowing his history give him hell for it! I guess the saying "treat others how you want to be treated " is very true.
I have yet to settle, after loosing Shasta, the place I was going to buy I let fall though. I spend my time working three jobs witch leaves little personal time to remember my love. I work with some great people and friends. Live a fast paced life. Travel whenever and werever I can to have fun. I sold my new truck and the load of memorys with it. Shasta is in most the pics of that truck. I keep her old collor locked away with little white hairs stuck to it. I take a little time each day before bed to say hi to her. But continue on with life knowing I will find love again. Now successful in my career and life I still feel that empty spot in my heart. |
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Proud to be a Zoo, Fur and ME
Thanks to Beastforum and all that make it possible!!!!!
We live our whole life to find love. If our love walks on two legs or four, I found my love on four and lost her. Now my life is no longer whole.
In memory of my beloved white GSD Shasta, 2003
Thanks to all who voted!
Thanks:
Mikeycanter #1 horseme #60
Coldwolflover #10 aubyd #70
sexwithadog #20 bigguy88992000 #80
dpl2 #30 docbear #90
knotty4dogs #40 beowulf69 #100
gordonguy24 #50 k9subFL #110 (thank you)
wolffucker1235 #120
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