FROZEN SKUNK

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car.

There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"

He says, "O. K., Get in the car with it."

"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"

He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there."

"But what about the smell?"

"Just hold its little nose."

The man is expected to recover; but the frozen skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery.......if you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor"
But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot......they "didn't have a pot to piss in" & were the lowest of the low

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:


Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June.. However, since they were starting to smell . .. . brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the
babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof.. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold.

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake..

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus,someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer...

And that's the truth....Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! !

Pants and Panties



Mike was going to be married to Carol so his Father sat him down for a little chat.

He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon

suite, I took off my pants, handed them to

your Mother, and said, 'Here, try these

on.''

She did and said, 'These are too big.
I can't wear them..'
I replied, 'Exactly.. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.'


Ever since that night, we have
never had any problems.

'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that

might be a good thing to try.

On his honeymoon, Mike took off his

pants and said to Carol, 'Here, try

these on..'

She tried them on and said, 'These

are too large. They don't fit me.'

0A


Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants

in this family and I always will. I don't

want you to ever forget that.'

Then Carol took off her panties and

handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here,

you try on mine.'

Mike did and said,
'I can't get into your panties.'

Carol said, 'Exactly. And if you don't change
your smart-ass attitude, you never will.'

I don't care how inappropriate some of those are. They're hysterical.

An old lady was standing at the rail of the cruise ship holding her hat so that the
wind wouldn't blow it away.

A gentleman approached her & said, "Pardon me, madam, I do not intend to be
forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady. "But I need my hands to hold unto my hat."

"But madam, he said, "you must know that your derriere is exposed!"

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and said,

"Sir, anything you
see down there is 85 years old, but I just bought this hat!"

Wow, it has been a while since I've posted here, so just wanted to say a big hello. Drop me a line and at least growl, bark, or just lick the oldsaltblock. It's good for you, salt, that is.......

Oldsalt, you're great! I worked with a chef one time, many,many moons ago,that told me a completely different joke evry day for 3 years. you and him must be brothers! Thanks! :beer: :beer: :beer:

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