my best friend is very sad .he lived with his mother for more then 40 years and a year ago she died .i have seen him go down hill and drink him shelf stupid .the other night he called me and ask if i would come and just talk he felt like killing him self .we ust to be neighbors but i had to move my racing team out of town i needed a bigger shop and i wanted a place for my girls to just run .so now im 30 minuts away .he is lonely. he is disabled so he dont work witch gives him even more time to be lonely .we sat and we talked and he ask how i do it being alone all the time .he also added i wasnt aloud to talk about race cars .so i told him im not alone i have my girls to go home to .they are my life not race cars thats what i do for a living . he knows im zoo .i ask him why dont you go get a big female dog to keep you company .you can have some one to come home to and ladder on you can well,you know .he sat there a few minuts and said why do you always try to convert me to your life style .i told him i wasnt tryin to convert any one im just stateing a fact .he sat there and said maby your right .im not shure how to deal with this .im not tryin to convert him .but once you stop the omg its a dog you had sex with and let the love shine through it can be so wonderfull can any one else give me some ideas what they would do in this situation .i think i posted this in the wrong place if so please move it thanks mop

Doesn't sound like the man needs a dog or sex. He needs you. He asked to just have someone to talk to, and believe me, that's probably helping more than you can guess.
Also, Just GET HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE! Keeping busy is a good way of coping, not to mention the fact that he will get to interact with others. Even if it's just to the grocery store, or to a pub, or even to YOUR own home. Just keep him active, even if he wants to sulk.
But yeah, I don't think suggesting the Zoo lifestyle is great right now. It may be happy for you, but the last thing he needs is to be depressed, grieving, AND confused about his sexuality/ashamed for liking dogs. Doesn't sound like a good mix to me.

I think cheesey hit the nail on the head pretty much but you could also point out a dog would be great company for him and give him someone else to think of / care about. There's no reason why it has to be a sexual relationship after all.

This post has been edited by curious1looking on Oct 29 2009, 02:56 PM

,y grandmother recently passed last week and its been very weird for me. I have tried talking to my friend and other family and evern with my dogs death doesnt seam to hurts. Its confusing to me. why doesnt looking someone feel like a break up when you loose someone or when you had lost a pet.

My dogs have been great company and they keep me busy. my gandfather, not the one who was married to my passed grandmother, b ut my other one is a disablled hombound alcoholic and smoker. Im sure he downs his worries and thoughts with his drinks and used to have black outs. I got him a little pomerainian and that little dog is his best friend.

you should check out my post on the "The importance of our Pets" its in my signature on the bottom. our pets do alot for us. even if its not a sexual relatoinship. you just need a friend osmetimes.

This post has been edited by Horndawgs110503 on Oct 29 2009, 04:10 PM

I agree with you Horndawgs. Dogs do the wonderful things they do whether you are a zoophile or not. The companionship alone is enough to get someone out of their own head and enjoy the company of a being which wants nothing more than to just be with their best friend. So sorry to hear about your grandmother.

I think that getting a dog for platonic reasons can be very healing for someone in this poor man's shoes. He should not become a zoophile out of grief, I don't think he should become one at all. There are millions of people out there who love their dogs and aren't zoo. It's still a very beautiful thing. I can't even fathom what this man is going through. I was never close with my mother, and left the country when I turned 18. Even that was hard once I did it. When you live with someone for so long, see them every day, it leaves a massive void in your world when they are gone. This man spent over 40 years by her side. He needs all the help, love and support he can get. I think if he wants a dog, maybe he should get a small one which would be easier to care for. Mostly, as others have said, he needs you. We all need a good friend who we can just talk to from time to time, especially when times are tough. He's lucky to have you, wish I had a friend who cared enough to ask a bunch of strange zoos what he could do to help me. :)

GW

This post has been edited by guthwulf on Oct 29 2009, 05:51 PM

I think that is some damn sound advice there Cheesy

that is the point i tried to make to him .that a dog would always be there for him ,happy to see him come home .and IF it got to be a sex thing ok .he is the one that controlls that .but to just have a friend to talk to thats there all the time would be a grate help thanks for the replys mop

My heart goes out to your friend, Mop. Sex aside, I have known several sad, lonely people who have found a purpose after getting a dog. They have something to live for when they are responsible for caring for a dog. Is your friend too disabled to go for walks with a dog? If not, walks will give him exercise and exercise is a wonderful help for depression as it gets those dopamines flowing. He can spend time playing with her, grooming her and teaching her obedience, tricks and anything else he can think of and she is able to learn.
If sex happens, it happens, but there are lots of benefits of owning and working with a dog.
I'd start him out with a young adult, not a pup and I'd try to find a medium drive dog, not to mellow or she won't want to do things; not to hyper or she'll run over your friend and he won't have a good time.
Let the zoo stuff drop for now. Talk to him about all the other good things that a dog can do for him. If he does get a dog soon, during the time when racing is winding down, you might be able to spend some time with him and help him get off to a good start.
If the relationship blossoms into a desire for sex, help him if he asks.
Best wishes to your friend,
LTD

I agree with pretty much everything said here already. I know a thing or two about lonlyness, not to that extent though. I always talked to my dog whenever i felt lonely. I know he couldnt talk back but it felt like he knew what I was saying and how I was feeling. A dog does wonders for emotions. Even before anything sexual happend, I loved my dog and he was way more than just a dog to me.

I think if he got a dog it would do wonders, but you can too. Like said earlier, get him out of the house and into the world, that is probably one of the best things you could do for him. Take him to a pub, poker hall, a ball game, something like that would do wonders for his mood and being with you, his friend, is an amazing thing on its own.

I absolutly agree with the others in that what your friend needs now is YOU - most likely right now even more than your racing business needs you. In the depths of greif it sounds like your friend is going thru right now can lead to suicide. Your business can most likely survive a few days without you but your friend may not. When you visit him, take your dogs as they provide an outlet for emotions that humans don't always manage to provide. We sometimes say the wrong things when we are asked a question but a dog never does. I lost both of my parents within 6 months of each other and have no close family or friends. My dog has been my connection with sanity. I leave the house to walk her and to take her to training class. She listens to every word I say and always think I am the best genius in the world.

Go be with your friend and support his LIFE without pushing your lifestyle. He knows you live it and accepts you as you are. Let that be good for now and if someday he decides to give it a try, help him again.

It is important to remember that depression is often a silent killer. Many people that suffer depression do so without ever managing to reach out for help and sadly many that do do not find the help they need in time.

Your friend needs you and you need him! You will find that you are a stronger man by giving yourself away. It has taken me 4 years in the brotherhood of sobrieiaty to learn this myself but it really does work.

Now do the right thing, turn this box off and RUN - do not walk to your friend! This darn computer will be here tomorrow, your friend might not be!

:o I know what its like to be lone some.As my wife was just 5 months ago Diagnosed with cancor.And is in treatment three hundred miles from me.And if i didnt have this little basset hound to talk to i would be climbing the walls.As i talk to him He turns his head to the side just like he knows what im talking abou as he looks at me.May be this guy needs some thing like this little guy for company.As it sure works for me. :rock: :devil2: A ten for the thread :rock:

Mopar,

Long time, no PM, dude! I'm sorry that your friend is in such a depressed state. I just wanted to say that, if you care for him (like I get the impression), do NOT take his remarks about suicide lightly. He may have some form of clinical depression, and he may need to consider some form of prescription...there is NO shame in that.

As far as the dog thing goes: not knowing his lifestyle, I can't say one way or the other about him having a pet. If he's become a heavy drinker, then a dog might not be a good idea right now. I have a friend (well, ex-friend) who used to get pretty mean with his dogs, if they got on his bad side while he was drinking (hence the "ex" part). And I know you're only trying to offer him alternatives, but Zoophilia is still not something most people are comfortable with; I would steer clear of those kinds of discussions...let him come to you about it, since he knows about your lifestyle. Believe me, if he's interested, he'll ask.

I personally think your main concern right now should be trying to support your friend during his tough times, and sit back and really listen to what he's trying to say (sometimes you have to read between the lines, right?). Maybe he just needs to cut back on the alcohol (it IS a depressant, you know).

Peace,

Studdog69

Oh, yeah, and 10 for cheeseyness and udpets for their input...right on the mark.