I have jusy come out of a ten year relationship and although i have not been actively participating in our scene during this time - my ex partner knew about my desires and it was a rich part of our fantasy talk/life together.

Now i have begun dating again - i find i am holding back talking about my desires so as not to scare off any likely new partners. The two people i have told took it very differently.

The first guy i told very naturally as something come up in conversation and i sort of "went with it" and told him very matter of factly about my thing. He considered it carefully and seemed ok - but later he told me in his eyes it was at the same level as paedophilia as it was non consentual in nature and therefore an abuse of power.

The second guy took it better although i think this was because i was more reluctant to tell so it was coaxed out of me over several hours and so almost warrented a positive reaction in return. Needless to say we are not together.

I worry about disclosing this at the dating stage - it could be used against me and i don't want this becoming common knowledge - however comfortable i am with it.

But then to leave it until you are further along is a minefield too - it will be a bombshell at any time really.

So the alternatives - to date only within our circles??? what is best?

Really interested in your shared experiences and opinions - this is my first forum post although i have been lurking for some time.

Red x

This post has been edited by redpupster on Jan 21 2009, 06:06 PM

To me, it is purely a matter of trust and READING people. I'm a bit of a wait and see kinda gal, so I wait and see what kinda person I'm dealing with. I wait to see how relaxed he is about sexual fetishes, I wait to see if he's overly judgmental, or really religious, or if he has just ANY signs that he would be appalled by my zoo side. The first time I told someone, it was a little more than 2 years into the relationship, I just couldn't be sure. And the reaction was surprised, but not upset or disgusted, and the relationship continued two more years. The second time, I told him maybe a few days in. He just hit me as being cool with it in every way, and he was! He's actually on the forum now.

My point is, it depends on the person.

I think if you are uncomfortable laying yourself out there, then yes, maybe you should seek only inside this circle of friends. After all, there are some very lovely people here.
But on the other hand, if you are willing to risk it, why not date someone and really try to see what kind of person they are. Ask questions, pry a little, be willing to trade embarrassing information with each other. If you can't share embarrassments and secrets, then you probably wouldn't work anyway.
But really it all depends. If you find someone who you trust enough, and you have evidence they would be cool with it, I say tell them. But tread lightly. It is ALWAYS a risk.

Best of luck to you.

Well, I was in a similar situation like you. I found various dating sites on the net, some also beast related. But what I experienced from them in general was, that most of the people were fakes, sad but true.

After a while I just gave up with that, because I found that I can use my time better doing something else. :lol:

So no dating sites anymore, instead I returned to this forum just for having a good time. And who knows, maybe I'll find someone, maybe not - maybe you'll find someone in real life and discover that she is also curious about it - everything can happen. Patience. Good luck!

yeah, dating sites.
I found those to be mostly a money making deal, for them, not you.

I have not actively looked for a human partner in many years now. too may drawbacks, including the fact that it seems like the average human looks more for what they can get out of you rather than what can you both contribute to a friendship.
And telling a posible partner about the zoo side can be hazardous.
I did hint, vaguely, to a femal friend here, but in such a way that it could simply be taken that I love (like-like) animals, without saying anything about the sexual side of it.

Hmm, I get more out of watching one pf my does pee than I would out of the average human female displaying her bits. Guess I will simply stick with my goats, as they only demand snacks and hay, and maybe a bit of sex once in a while. Don't have to tell them about my zoo side. they already know it... :inlove:

moved to zoo ;)

Red, I hear and feel your pain. I have rarely dated for the same reasons. But being a zoo does not necessarily mean you should limit yourself to persons of our "known" circle. To be quite frank there are still loads of people out there who do not know themselves that they are zooeys or beastys. I do agree that waiting until you are at a point of no return in a LTR or even marriage is NOT the time to do it. Not only is it not fair to that partner to a degree, you really risk the relationship at that point by holding back something so important and forcing the other person to absorb so much so suddenly. People with less invested in a relationship might be able to cope with such a thing in small stages if they aren't already predisposed to accepting (i.e. they have zoo/beast leaning tendencies themselves). So I think you need to decide early on, do you think you will need to tell this person at some point in the relationship, serious LTR or marriage, or can you live with your secret desires. In short can you keep it under wraps from this person for the rest of your life? If you don't think you can keep it a permanent secret, then yes I would say that at some point you will need to tell them before its too late. If you wish to keep from suddenly destroying the relationship. Ultimately a lot depends on your being able to read them. If you KNOW they are definitely anti-zoo then you know its either stop zoo activities, or keep them a secret forever.

In short its a matter of really getting to know your partner and feel them out in a round a bout, even a surreptitious, sort of way. Then decide if its something that you either want or need to share with them. But as I say don't wait till after your married or making wedding plans.

Dating within our own circle does limit your choice. For women much less so than for men. Women needless to say have a much larger pool to choose from. So even if you decide to stay within the group you shouldn't have too hard a time finding possible friends.

Yeah, pretty much--

OK, like about 100%..... :D

Hello again all and thanks for your replys.

I went on the chat last night and was approached by several uk resident fellows who expressed an interest in getting to know me better. This is nice but now i find i have a different dilemma ie:

is it myself they are attracted to (bearing in mind the lack of photos/personal info on here at the very least) or just the fact that i am female and openly into zoo?

I hadn't anticipated this aspect - and it frustrates me almost as much as dating from the other side - its not easy either way.

go figure!

redX

I agree with cheese and pet, take very small steps and let things move slowly. If the two of you are meant to be together then life will sort itself out. I wish you well what ever happens.

I can only share my own experience and thoughts. I am a guy who is naturally attracted to zoo inclined females. Ultimately I would love to find one who is interested in letting me watch her and move to sharing the experience with a canine as our partner. Knowing a female is open and interested in zoo increases any attraction I have to her by about 1,000%. I am a mature and realistic male. I do not expect a woman to look a super model for me to consider her romantically. I believe so long as a woman takes care of herself and uses a bit of time any woman can be attractive. I admit that seeing an available woman here gets most guys who are looking excited and in "feeding frenzy" mode. In that sense you can have your pick of the litter so to speak. You mentioned you have visited the chat room, use it and other resources (like PMs, the personals section and even Fan Clubs) here to get to know promising individuals. After you reach a point where you think you know someone well enough graduate to meeting them one on one to see if there is any personal chemistry, or at least material for a RL friendship. Keep your expectations low until you find a good canidate and move on up to a regular dating relationship. I personally would even shelve an zoo involvement until another stage. Take it slow and make sure that he is someone you want to let into your life.

I really wish I had the problem you do of having the choice of so many potential canidates. It can be a challenge to sort through all of them to find someone who is a good fit for you, but for you it is no different than someone going to a regular internet dating site with hundreds of thousands of potential mates. The upside here is that you will find someone who not only accepts your zoo side, but will probably want to join in :lol:

Good luck and let us know how you do
:wine:

Best wishes DoW

*edit*

Hope this thread gives you some good suggestions on being safe when meeting someone from ANY internet site

http://www.beastforum.com/showtopic-138642.html

This post has been edited by doggowar on Jan 22 2009, 09:06 PM

So my first potential meet with someone off here just cancelled on me..... :(

Talking to a couple of other people but they are miles away so its hard.

Should i advertise on the boards here or do you think that would be asking for a whole heap of rubbish to be dumped on me?

Just looking for something real.... :inlove:

Red. x

To be honest - I wouldn't recommend to advertise.

This is for example one of the messages I received when I came back to the forum, frustrated from useless dating sites. Maybe it also fits for you ;) ^_^

Best wishes,
Petsingle :P

I would agree with Petcouple 100%, it takes time and even then it is not a given. But patience and persistence will probably win out. Again, good luck :)

Well try not to be discouraged too quickly. The reality is, our lifestyle entails a great deal of risk in many countries. Sometimes those first meetings are the hardest ones. As they should be for the sake of safety. As to whether you should post in the personals section well yes I say that is a viable option. Indeed that is exactly what the personals sections was designed for. But please do keep in mind that despite the fact that this board may have ten of thousands of members the reality is they are scattered all over the world.

So finding someone near you is not guaranteed. So you need to decide what the geographic limits you have on a relationship partner may be. There are also other factors to consider well, like whether people looking for a connection are just looking for friends who have pets that they can have casual sex with or whether they are seeking like minded compatible individual they can share a LTR with. You sort of voiced this idea a couple of posts back. What kind of interest do people contacting you have in you. Well to be quite frank this is not unusual or unexpected. In fact I would say it is quite normal. Regardless of sexual orientation, when one person approaches another to initiate a dating relationship, the person initiating contact does so with a preconceived notion about what the like about that person and want from them. They do this automatically without regard to long term goals as a rule. For example, guy approaches a girl for the first time for a date, he's not generally thinking about whether they share the same political view or have the same hobbies. They are usually thinking more along the lines of, I think she's pretty or voluptuous etc, and I like to hang out with her or take her to bed etc. This is thought without regard to compatibility. In fact the process of dating is feeling out compatibility. Women do this as well as men, they tend to look for a pretty face or flat abs or whatever first, with an secondary eye to developing some sort of compatibility.

But only communications put forth during the dating process can real feel out if they are a viable long term partner or friend. So I wouldn't necessarily expect the process to be much easier simply because we all here are zoophiles or zoophile/bestialist friendly. All that being on here means is that people looking to meet through this board of other similar venue already meet what each of us considers a very large or limiting criterion to a relationship. Namely that any potential mate or friend be a zooey, beasty, or zoo/beast friendly. Beyond that all the same problems still exist in forming a relationship with someone. And given how hard it is for regular heterosexual to hook up through online sites. I wouldn't expect our job to be any easier. Hope this helps.

P.S. if you get to Southern California look me up ;) ^_^

hi red
When you meet the right person, what you are and what you enjoy (sexually or otherwise) should not affect how your potential partner feels about you. I date on occasion, and the subject of my dog love has never come up. That is because none of the guys I have gone out with I have really wished to get serious with. It is not becaue of my loving dogs, but rather, I just do not care that much for the guys I have been dating.
As for on line stuff, I avoid that completely. I have just joined this site and for the first time I feel very at ease talking to others about my desires. I also am bisexual and enjoy girls too, maybe there is a little part of you that may like that avenue. I find it 100 times easier to talk to a female than a male in almost every instance.
Anyone on here can only give you suggestions and advice. In the long run you have to be able to distinguish in the importance of your priorities. That dream of dreams for you may be meeting a guy who not only accepts your zoo desires, but will not attempt to turn you away from them. I am open, at this point in my life, to a male or female relationship. I have my "boys" for sexual love. The human one to one love is not in my life right now, and, honestly, I do not miss it that much. Sometimes, sure I do, but the unconditional love I get from my "guys" is something I cherish at this time .

I truly wish you happiness and the best in everything red
If you ever want to talk to someone . please look me up
Suzi