Poster's note:

Wasn't sure where to stick this. Stories don't seem appropriate ... its a poem/ode/rant, but unlike most poems, its "real" ... it describes what my beloved late mate and I went through. Its in two parts (as in I wrote it at two different times, just poured it out each time), the last of which I wrote in 2000, before she passed away, so it doesn't reach through that ... and not sure if I have it in me yet to write that final part. Its a little ... embarrassing, I guess, hard to find the right word ... its very emotional and I was no flawless angel through the bad things my mate went through, but ... I think the story needs to be told, and this is how my hands chose to record what happened.

COVY VON RAVEN
Part I (written 22 August 22, 1999)


Twas amid passions fading with some zoophile
They sought a German Shepherd bitch for themself
To rid the frustration they felt not desiring me
That a listing in the classifieds we did persue.

Wanted they a shepherd for their lusts;
one that match their passionate drive
But at the end of our persuit we found
A creature afraid, a spirit in pain named Covy

Never will I forget her fearful manner
Cowering in corners and undercurling her tail
I felt her sadness, her fear and her loneliness
I goaled myself to warm her spirit

As they talked and chatted I tended to her
As she lay unmoving, unpanting and unreacting
Her head on the floor in the corner by the couch
Not even so much as moving her eyes as I held her.

Time marched by and finally after an hour
My gentle stroking and heartfelt words
Yielded result as she panted her content
Raised her head and bestowed a lick.

That moment I was hers, my heart beating for her
Though they thought they would own her body
I knew she would own my heart, sould and spirit
So we brought her home, each with a different intent.

A half week she was with us and she did not move
Took not a lap of her water nor bite of her food
I feared I had failed her as she continued to unreact
To my every touch, my every plea and effort

On my human lover's advice, I picked her up and carried her
To our bed where she continued her unwavering trance
I applied my best ministrations, cuddling and stroking
Hours passed when she thumped the floor with the end of her tail

It was a momentous event, this time I would not move her
To disturb this thawing I did of her soul; I kept going
And gained the trophied lick as her eyes unfroze
That night they unleashed their desires upon her

But it was I who was owned by her gemstone trust
Even as they paraded to prove their zooness
And pushed and prodded myself to join them
The intimacy was not in the action but the feeling

They proved their drive more powerful than mine
But it was I, owned by her trust, who became her mate
Her providor and protector, nurturer and partner
And yet I failed to see how much she meant to me

Time passed and her bond strengthened
But I found work that kept me away from her
Helped them with a project that took more time
They needed help so I invited Evil

She didn't trust Evil and she tried to warn me
And yet I failed to see how much she meant to me
And the work that kept me away from her
Kept me from protecting her from Evil

Dragged by a chain into a cell
Evil locked her in with itself
And gratified its savage lusts
In ways only a human could.

Unable to escape, with not enough strength to fight
Evil invaded her, Evil violated her, Evil hurt her
Evil's own beasts, twisted under its Evil care
No longer fulfilled Evil's needs and it wanted more

They arrived home as Evil returned her
Intending to act as though nothing happened
But they caught it leading her out
To the romping grounds I had left her

I arrived some time later and They told me
With words she could not speak yet she told volumes
In her manner she carried as those difficult first days
And her scent odored as Evil had odored of scented oil

Toward Evil from that day she trusted no refuge
And did all she could to flee its presence;
From Evil alone would she flee from past me
From other beings she would flee to me

Evil spoke to subdue my realization and wisdom
And succeeded in imprisoning them in my dark reaches
Leading to my failing to server as her protector
Though she continued to love me all the same.

As Evil did so, it unleashed its stud
Upon her as she was trapped upon her run
And Evil ingratiated its insatiable lust
As she suffered its rape again

For two moons Evil convinced me
Her unspoken words were delusions
But as I finally learned Evil's ways
I realized I had failed to protect her

My mind finally thundered and my soul did explode
In one night of revelation my spirit created maelstrom
Amid the hellish fury of my soul, I pondered options
Including forever banishing Evil from this realm

What force Evil had to drive me so far
That my peaceful spirit erupted so violently
And I knew Evil's purpose would be served
And Evil would forever possess me if I so banished

Instead I banished Evil from my realm
Casting it back from where it came
Though I knew it would merely possess
The realm of another spirit someday

A moon came and went, Evil's beast left in my care
The beast frolicked and played, regaining his spirit
But a moon past Evil's banishment, a morning light revealed
His tail ceased its playful whipping as he passed from this realm

A dark fog enshrouded my soul, as I felt I had failed
Yet another loving spirit, this time to their end
And another moon later, Evil's and his legacy entered the realm
From precious Covy as she bore eight creatures

Eight creatures came and eight creatures left
As my dark fogged soul could not see to protect them
From the parasitic devils that consumed them
And nearly consumed Covy as well

Her breaths grew hard and her energy waned
She lay helpless in pain ... no more could I take
Another failure on my part so I stayed by her side
And had she passed on, I knew I would follow

An ointment removed Covy's infection
And my pleading beckoned her to live
She did not allow my failures to waver
Her faith in me, even as I still could not see.

More moons would pass yet even following such dark
My love of a human blinded my love for Covy
Even as dark forces claimed my love with Human,
My love for Covy still did not appear to me.

Only after escaping that realm for a bit
Seperated from her for some three weeks
Did I realize how much I depended upon her
Did I realize how strong I was bound to her

Her absence tore a gaping hole in my spirit
It mauled my soul and ravaged my heart
No longer was I blind to my need
For her loving, loyal companionship

I faced many challenges upon my return
As thriced I gained and thrice I lost
The means to care for my beloved
Even as she carried ten new lives into the world

I feared, as she did, I would falter again
I stayed at my Beloved's side through wee hours
Meeting her needs as she provided for our young
And ours they were if not by biology then by care

Conceived in the time we had been apart
These young tailwhippers knew me as father
Many hours each day would I spend to admire
Their spirits, their life and their personalities

Blessedly half again a moon would pass
Before the most precious of them left this realm
I cried for this one I named Xaara
For with her I bonded above and beyond the rest

Her memory lives on, as would her brothers and sisters
As my means to provide faltered three times
Took their toll on the young and they upon my heart
But one has survived, provided for by dear friends.

After our souls departed from one another
Formerly my Human's spirit swung and swayed
Knocking me hard to the point I gained fear
Not knowing if his pain would hurt Covy as well

From his realm I finally fled, taking Covy with me
And leaving her in a safe place, though its beyond my grasp
And so here I meander, her absence gnawing at me again
But for her I will climb back onto my true path

To gain her back I must make some radical changes
I must set aside my pain as I keep her in mind
Many obstacles and great sadness lie in my path
But for her I will; its is for her I live on

Were she not out of reach
I would not work so hard
So that someday soon I may provide
For her as she deserves.

To hold her in my arms, to qualm her lonesome howls
To have no Evil nor Humans to come between us again
To repay her love, her loyalty and her strength
She has proven as she loves me through my failures.

COVY VON RAVEN
Part II (written June 10, 2000)

Two thousand miles apart, she remained within my heart
Freed from a union pulling my soul into darkness,
Gazing at the moon, I wondered if she howled
I wondered what she felt, I wonder what she thought

Frequently did I messenge her guardian
Pleasant repors came for three moons
When chills broke out in my soul
I knew something was awry with her

Frantically did I message her Guardian but to no avail;
Seven days passed before he confirmed my fears:
Parasites ate at Her very heart and lungs;
Her chances of passing from this realm were great

A promise I had made when she and I parted,
Tears streaming from my face
Frantic yapping from her soul
I promised her we would reunite someday;

Many hours I had toiled to bring about the day
Yet had only started toward my goal
When the harshness struck
My soul crawled into darkness and my mind into chaos

I begged her guardian to inform me should it appear
She would depart this world eternally
So that I might fulfill my promise to visit her,
If only for once using what I had saved.

I sent what I had for her only treatment: Poisons
To kill off the parasites, but which could kill her as well
And endured torturous waiting for word
Of whether I must accelerate my promise

Time passed and she recovered, slowly but surely
And a new song resonated in my soul:
A pleasant one from my past who had few riches
But promised to bring Covy and I together again;

A human who knew us, A human who understood
A human who respected and a human who admired
I pledged myself to him, and taking opportunity
To voyage to see him and eventually to join

On the voyage to join, I made a strong point
To unite for an eve and a day with Her
Many moons had passed since we had parted;
Moons translated into too long for her.

Her senses failed to recognize me;
she regarded me as a stranger
Her bond was with her guardian,
who had nurtured her through the tough

I felt no ills toward her nor her guardian
Though my soul did cry as the one I loved
Had passed her memories of me, from the dark times
No blame could I place on her or her guardian

Never will I forget her fearful manner
Cowering in corners and undercurling her tail
I felt her confusion, her fear of me and her bond with him
I goaled myself to at least gain her recognition

An eternity it seemed before her fear eased
As empassioned stroking and cuddling
Yielded result as she panted her content
Raised her head and bestowed a lick.

I realized the truth that time was relative
For far more of her life had passed since we parted
I had nearly lost her; though she was now alive
I knew that someday time's discriminations would take her.

I had to part to unite with the special human
To begin anew to prepare for reunion
I was now much closer, affording some visits
Before my reunion with her

Her guardian was elsewhere the fateful day;
She had no hesitation in leading the way
Back to the car I would drive to our new home
Together again, gleeing my soul

More moons have passed since our reunion
She has not wavered in her devoution for me;
She befriends my human mate and trusts my new friends,
For they guarded over our single surviving daughter

Her faith and her love, her soul and her spirit
She shares unwaveringly each passing day;
She alarms when I part, even if brief,
For I feel she fears I will be lost to her again.

So long as I can be with her,
so long as I can keep keep her safe,
So logn as I can keep her well,
I will be with her.

Putting all that into words must have made an emotional wreck of you for some time, but the result is a beautiful tribute to Covy's ability to love despite what she went through in her life. I'm glad you found each other and my condolences on your loss -_-

thanks, furisforfun.

Not sure if the actual story can be extracted from my emo-poetry, specifically the 'Evil' reference ... a man I knew as Aarahk (who now goes by Phoxen and other aliases) I thought was a friend online, I invited to move in when he said he wasn't happy where he was living ... he raped Covy, and she tried to tell me so but I wouldn't listen. Finally I did throw the ba$tard out, buying him a one-way greyhound ticket back to the city he came from, and he left in my care a submissive, sweet black lab mix stud named Xor. I woke up one morning, about a month after I'd thrown Aarahk out, to find Xor had died suddenly in his sleep.

Xor wasn't my mate, though yeah I did stuff with him. I didn't have the bond with him that I'd had with Covy, but he would follow me around as well and always come to me for attention.

I wrote this poem as another emo outpouring about Xor:

-=<* XOR *>=-

? - June 1998

Dearest Xor, I am guilty
Of blaming you for your master's ways
I tried to fight my hatred,
I tried to calm my rage

But I could not for what he'd done
To me, my heart, and my Covy;
My heart beat coldly toward your master
And I fear not warmly enough toward you

You showed me nothing but love and affection,
Your tail always wagged and your bark always called
Your eyes always gleamed and your spirit always played
You gave your love and loyalty to me, even undeserved

But one dark morning, a month after your evil master's departure,
I awoke early after a night of frolick and play with you
I filled a bucket of water to quench your thirst
When I noticed you had not awoken

Startled and alarmed, I dropped my task
And slowly marched to your side
The instant I rested my hand on your side,
I knew your slumber to be eternal

It was no longer your body
For it had none of the energy
That you fed into your love of life
And brought joy to most around you.

I know not what stole your breath,
Your tailwag and your heartbeat;
It stole from me a mentor in life,
Who taught me a lot in the short time we had.

Rest in peace, Xor. Your spirit lives on in my memories.

-- Eagle
17 April 1999