ifockhorses and I collaborated to build a list of humorous tips for male equiphiles seeking a relationship with a non-zoo woman. Enjoy!

(at least one of the authors has no experience whatsoever with girls, so don't actually take these seriously, or if you do, tell us how it went :lol:)

Dating
Carrots, apples, and oats do not make good valentines gifts
It isn't a good idea to pet your girlfriend on the head
Don't call her a good girl if she lets you touch her
When you take her out to dinner, don't take her to a stall and give her hay
Peppermints, as kind as they may seem, could offend a girl, making her think her breath smells
Don't refer to her father and mother as her sire and dam, and don't ask for a copy of her pedigree or sire's performance record
Your girlfriend DOES mind if you do other girls

Sex
Even tough you might imagine their boobs as a mares, do NOT grab their boobs and milk them, this might cause them to kick you
Save the halter and lead rope for sex play
if shes in missionary pose, the hole is at the bottom, not at the top like a mare
Don't expect her to wink at you, her anatomy doesn't work that way
Her urine probably won't get you horny
Her anatomy doesn't (normally) accommodate a ball bat, so don't try it
Don't compare her to mares you've had
She won't find the smell of stallion semen or mare juice on your breath very attractive
Don't bite her hip, she might not like that
Don't have her upper lip tattooed, even if she is a sprint runner

Domestic Issues
One benefit of dating a girl is you don't have to muck the bedroom out
No you cannot sell your kids

Health
Don't attempt to clean her breasts off, she might get angry, especially with medical lube
You don't have to wash her vulva, she's capable of that on her own
Don't have the vet come out to have her woman parts checked up
She will prefer that you use your hands and not a curry comb to massage her
Don't try to clip her ears or muzzle
Don't pick her feet out either, she can do that too
She can take her own baths as well, but might not mind if you join in
Don't check her teeth for age
You should probably leave the shots to the doctor, and don't worm her

This post has been edited by RobertsDream on Dec 8 2007, 04:50 AM

Omg you guys are funny
I love the "don't expect her to wink" hehe

LOL...I've been on dates with guys who could've treated me better if they HAD treated me like a mare...

Funny stuff, guys...

ROFLMAO That was great


Definitely a 10 from me

"She will prefer that you use your hands and not a curry comb to massage her"
All depends on whether she hands you the curry cmb EH!

haha nice :D

hehe loved it!
rules to live by :lol:

Yeah I've tried some of those things. Sometimes it's funny the first time.

I was dating a woman once, and in a field picked an apple blossom. She thought I was going to give it to her, and I gave it to my horse. You should have seen the look. :angry: <_<

Girls are so touchy sometimes.

A very nice list, great humor

Heh heh heh, :D
thanks for the laugh, I will keep some of those in mind!!