Everyone who spoke with a clearer head than mine is right.

I just feel after 16 years of marriage and putting up with my husband doing so many things I didn't like (we won't go into them here ) that as a person I am allowed to make a choice for myself. my husband also disapproves, and we have agreed to disagree. I do what I desire and he pretends not to know. I know this won't work for everyone, and many people wouldn't want it to. I hope you can decide how to handle your situation in a way that works for you, maybe you could compromise and only read stories/watch vids and pretend... maybe if your husband if he won't let you have a dog, you can have a toy shaped like one (zeta anyone?), and i know it isn't the same... but sometimes we have to compromise. If he is completely against even your fantasies, then you have to decide how important it is to you versus how important your marriage is to you. How long have you been married and do you have children, all these things are important in the decision making process... also is beastiality illegal wehre you live and can he use it against you in a custody trial? Not to scare you, but you need to think far more clearly than I am capable of.

Meli, your thoughts weren't unclear. You stated exactly how you felt and there isn't anything wrong with that.

I can really see where your coming from, after reading about how things have been for you over 16 years. Its hell having to hide our zoo lives and its not an easy choice either way. I like reading the different opinions and point of views from everyone, it makes me look at myself a little more clearly too. I hope you continue stating things, just as you see them. :)

This post has been edited by Pantharas on Apr 21 2007, 06:05 AM

I agree completely with wyldfyre67! It is a forum of cheating if "he" feels it is, cheating is cheating no matter how you spin it~ <_< You cannot force your views and desires on someone else~ :blush:

You really need to evaluate your priorities, it's that simple. Although it's not as simple as it's sounds~ :(

Good luck to you~ :blush:

This post has been edited by tazman99 on Apr 21 2007, 06:08 AM

I think reguardless of what you deciede from the sound advise that you recieved here that you need to avoid the subject from him at all cost - do not rub this in his face wether your staying or going


moved to zoo

This is a very delicate issue and one that only you can work through for yourself based on the sound and intelligent advice already given.
I cannot add anything helpful to it.

I hope I'm not speaking out of turn, but my own gut reaction as a male to your husband's ultimatum are..."Poor bugger! He doesn't know what a woman he's got!"

I'd give my eye teeth for a wife who wants to 'love' our dog sexually! I would not only accept it, but would encourage her all I could to explore her personal sexuality in this regard...and be happy to see her happy!
She would be to me the ultimate woman and I would love her no less for it!

But then...That's just me.

I'm so sorry to hear about your dilemna and I hope in time, it all works out for you.

fester

Hear him, hear him!! :D Ladies like you are as rare as diamonds, but alas, your hubby doesn't seem to realize that...

I think a lot of how this proceeds will depend on how he found out and how 'betrayed' he might feel. From what you say, it seems like you did really very little, and you may want to work on that angle - say it's a huge turn on for you, and fascinating, and you wish that you could explore it *as a couple* - make sure you keep him included, and he won't feel left out.

Do you think he'd be willing to check out some zoo porn with you? That might help open him up, especially if he finds himself interested in bitches - then you can say fair is fair, I get to experiment with dogs, and you with bitches. Or, just the thought of a woman with a dog might grow on him. Finding out may have been a shock for him, and once he gets over it, he may find the idea more appealing, as long as you present it gently and keep him firmly in the picture.

My gf and I split up about a year ago, in part because I wanted to explore my zoo side and though she'd be horrified by that. She was horrified by our relationship troubles, but when the zoo issue came up, she was actually interested herself (though seems to have now changed her mind... :( ). So who knows, you may be in luck, and this contrariness may just be because he felt 'betrayed' since you did it behind his back.

Again, I don't know your hubby or how he reacts, but I think it can't hurt to try this approach: go gently, ask if he's willing to watch some porn with you, make sure he feels included, and see if some interest sparks.

Also, much as I hate to sound Machiavellian, if he's done some sexual things *you* don't like, you can bring that up to. Not as overt leverage - you did that, so I get to do this - but more like, you did that and I accepted it, so can you please think about this a bit?

Best of luck, and keep us posted!!!

Why the doubts Joe? Occasionally I see a post which I find suspicious, but this is not one of them. I think you make a very good point in your last paragraph though.

Ladywolf, you pose a very difficult question for us. No two relationships are the same, and only you know your true feelings for your husband, and the depth of your desires to experiment with dogs. (So I'm actually saying I'm not going to be of any help!).
I would like to comment on something in Wyldfyre's reply though. "Are you willing to break up your home for something as silly as this?" I'm surprised this hasn't provoked howls of indignation! These people must be under your spell Wyld!
For most of my life I have thought of my zoo tendencies as something of little importance; some fun and excitement, but not something to take into account when making future plans. Besides, I might have forgotten about it in a few years. Looking back, that was a mistake. It has been an important and enduring part of my life, and I should have taken it more seriously when making decisions. I will in the future.
I have no way of knowing how important this is or will be to Ladywolf, but I doubt it will just go away. That's my observation on "something as silly as this".

I wish to thank everyone for posting here. Alot of diffrent views, and all of them have good ideas, thoughts and opinions. I notice my post has been moved, and I appologize for putting it in the wrong spot. :blush:

I have tried talking to him, reasoning with him and explaining of how hot it makes me. He thinks that it is wrong no matter how i put it. Although he is religious and all that stuff and I am not, I find that I cannot hold his opinion against him. I mean each to thier own I guess.

So I have to ask myself this question. Which is more important, My husband and family. Or the chance of the most satisfying sex i have ever had. In all honesty the answer is clear. My husband. Sex is great, but sex comes and goes. Love like we have is a once in a life time thing.

So what if he doesn't like the fact that I am intrested in being mounted. He can't deny me the right to fantasise about it. He doesn't care if i watch the vid's or read the stories. I just cant do the act.

Perhaps in time, I can persuade him to my side of things and after the kids move away we can get a dog and experiment.

Again I thank all of you :)

Oh yes and Fester Thanks hun. You made me blush :) It is nice to know that women like me are wanted by men.

Sounds like the best policy, Ladywolf!! At least he doesn't mind you fantasizing and looking at vids, and maybe he'll be ok with a toy too. And probably you will have a chance in the future - if he's still reasonably young (or even if he isn't), he will probably loosen up with time. I'm 31 now, and now I'm quite happy, even eager, to do things I never would have dreamed of doing 10 years ago (like going swinging with my gf). So plant the seeds now, and they may very well bear fruit in the not too distant future. I know it sucks to wait - I've been waiting my whole adult life so far - but it'll come, and when it does, it will be worth the wait, I'm sure! ;) :friends:

You didn't say whether or not you are happily married. If you are, then I'd have to agree with others who feel that k9 isn't worth ending a marriage or relationship over. If my hubby had come to me and said he no longer wanted my k9 activities to continue, I'd certainly listen. Hopefully he'd express his heart felt and honest reasons why to me.

Even if he just flat out told me he didn't want me doing it any longer. I'd give up my k9 activities without question, and I wouldn't have held it against him either. I don't see anything wrong with a husband objecting to his wife's k9 activities. My husband's approval was always essential to me.

You may ask, how could you ever give up k9. Well to be honest, I could very easily live without it. Sure I had countless sexual encounters with two male dogs. Yes I enjoyed it. However I mostly did it for my k9 partners benefit. I loved giving another living being the chance to experience sex. Once I realized how much they clearly enjoyed the experience, I loved letting them have it whenever I could.

But for me, all that pales in comparison to my human relationships. I no longer have access to a male dog, so I'm no longer active. Sure I miss it. It was part of my life for the last 15 years. However with kids being older, I won't be active for years to come. Perhaps when the kids are all grown, I'll take it up again. :thinking:

Well My dear, it seems as if you know what you have. Make a sound and educated choice that is good for you and yours!

Good luck to you~ :blush:

This post has been edited by tazman99 on Apr 21 2007, 05:58 PM

Very happy to read your reply Ladywolf.

The way you describe your relationship here that must be the right decision for you both, and so much better to have your course of action (or non action) clear in your head. Now the decision is made you can move on. You are in good company with so many here in a similar situation.

And I endorse what Fester said too! :w00t: :w00t: :w00t:

Very well said Silky~ :blush:

I agree with most here. A marriage is a partnership. If he really can't handle it then you can't force the issue.

My point of view on this subject is slightly different than those listed here. Personally I feel that a husband/wife who is unwilling to accept who you are, and demands that you conform to their wishes is someone you should not be with. I can see both side of this however.

He's the kind of person who seems set in his ways. While he lets you view your fetishes now, will he in the future? I do not know if you have any children, but the fact he knows you are into Zoo may give him the ammo he needs for any future arguments and issues.

A true long lasting relationship requires trust, love, and understanding. Without those, you become trapped in a relationship that centers around unhappiness.

My advice to you is- Take a good hard look at your relationship. Are you happy? Do you have children, and if so, are they happy? Are there things that you dislike your husband doing, but allow him to do so anyway?

Really, the core of this is not about being a Zoo. It's about your relationship. While he may take offense to your Zoo-nature, that doesn't give him the right to treat you like a child and just forbid you from doing what you want. To me that says he does not trust you and he feels insecure.

"This is who I am. I have feelings and desires that you do not approve of, but I am still the same person you fell in love with. I respect your beliefs, even if I do not share them, and I ask for the same respect in turn."

Have you told him that you need an extra "oomph" in your sex life? If not, you should. Sex is really a bonding thing. Without a satisfying sex life, partners end up becoming distant from one another. Love fades and is replaced with "Best Friend" like feelings. I know this first hand, unfortunately. If you are seeking ways to satisfy yourself sexually, and are adamant about staying with your husband, I can only suggest that you two work on your sex life. Try roleplaying, role-reversal (err... don't know if he'd go for that being religious and all...), toys, etc. Keep it fresh. The thrill of trying new things may rekindle what you feel is missing.

Good luck and I hope I didn't ramble on too much!