Telling A Loved One, how to tell a loved one of your lifestyl

I've been dating my boyfriend for over two years now. He's a pretty straight laced guy, but he is very very accepting of me and what I do (so far no matter what) but I have yet to tell him that my dog is also my lover. I really do want to tell him because I know he won't want to find out by himself, and I don't want him to find out on his own. But I want to tell him because 1)I feel like I am hiding a big part of myself from him and 2)I don't want to loose him over him finding out somehow. I really do think he is the one for me, he has put up with everything else that has come up, through depression and symptoms that go along with that, so I don’t think he will leave me, but I want to tell him. :wub:

I think he will accept it so long as he never sees me and never has to be involved but I'm not sure. He's the sweetest guy and he is right up in the same place in my heart and mind as my dog is.

Have any advice on telling him this? anything would be a great help. Words of wisdom or others experiences that have turned out for the better. :thinking:



Also, on a bit of a side note, I think my best friend knows, in fact I'm almost positive. But she as shown interest in my dog to a rather large degree, and I don't think I am into sharing him at all. Would any of you let you best friend try it for the first time with your much loved dog?

Thanks so much in advance for helping me out. ^_^

Well I don't want to discourage you but when I told my girlfriend I had enjoyed being with a male dog she was packed up and gone within an hour. We had only lived together for a few months but I've never really had the strongest relationships with humans. She was very religious which had a large part of her reaction.

Generally it seems a lot of guys have fantasies about having a threesome with an animal and their girlfriend and are more open to this. I know this because my brother and several friends have told me they would be interested in doing something along the lines of that and they have no idea I'm a zoophile.

From the logical point if you have really been through all of that with him and have been together for so long the most that would probably happen is he might be freaked out by it and wouldn't want to participate with you at the same time as the dog.

You are right that you need to tell him though. Thats a huge part of your life and if he did find out that you had kept it a secret from him for so long than I would suspect that to be quite devastating to him. Your much better off telling him than risking getting caught.

Sulphide, Thank you so much for the advice, and don't worry to much about discouraging me from telling him... I think I am going to no matter what, just trying to see what kind of reactions others have gotten or how they went about it. I hope your right about him being able to deal with it. I mean I want to be as open as possible to him about it. I just have this feeling that he might tell me that he wants me to stop, and I can't. And then we will fight over. Hopefully it will go smoothly. Thanks again!

Anytime ^_^

Also if I was to place myself in his place and assuming I wasn't a zoophile the first thought I would probably have would be along the lines of thinking I wasn't fullfilling the male role enough or that I wasn't getting the job done in bed ;)

If you've been with your dog longer than you've been with him than I would defiantly speak up about that to him so he doesn't think you resorted to a dog because of him.

Also how does he act around your dog or other animals? If he has a connection with animals or just remains neutral instead of blind animal rights beliefs then I would think he could understand it's not abuse and actually a relationship.

Just a few thoughts that came to my mind in that scenario ^_^

For my two worthless cents, befor hauling off an telling him I would try to find out how he felt about the whole issue of bestiality in the furst place. For every one person that has had a good or neutral reaction from loved ones, there are ten that get bad reactions to that kind of revelation. I think you need to find out how he feels toward the idea of human animal sex, then depending on his reaction to that you need to make the big decision of if you should tell him. You may find that he's tottally into the idea, then no problems. But if you find that he's super antizoo you may find that you can never tell him about your zoo activities. Then the decision about your relationship at that point may become more difficult. But furst broach the subject with him, this can be done in ways that have been frequently suggested befor. Like showing him some beastie vid/pics that some accidentally sent you in an e-mail or a web site you "stumbled" across. Or you can even use the recent showing of the movie ZOO at the sundance festival as a topic to get his ideas on the subject of zoophilia. Once you've sorta gotten an idea on where he stands in that sense, then come back here let us know who he reacted, and we may then be in a better position to give advice. I know that's probably less help then you were expecting but I thinks its the smart and safe way to procede. Hope to hear from you soon on what happens.

Thank you both for the advice.

Sulphide,
I can see where that is coming form. And my boyfriend came into the picture after the fact with my dog. So it's not him, though I can see him thinking that As for how he acts around my dog, he's got a good relationship with him, could not ask for a better one. He's great with animals and just adopted a puppy of his own. So there's not to much worry there... so hopefully he'll see it as you sujested, but who knows. Thanks again! ^_^

energydog,
Love the advice! I can deffenetly see how that would help me figure out how he'll react to me telling him. It never really crossed my mind, I mean I knew I had to tell him no matter what, or at least in the end I should tell him either way. I'll see what i can do over the next few days about trying to find out what he thinks about human animal sex by brining up a few different things. I'll let you know what kind of reaction I get from him. Thanks for the advice! :D



Oh and does anyone have an ideas about the later of the questions I posed... about my best friend and he interest in my dog? Should I even ask her if she has an interest? I'm almost 100% sure she does because of the attention she has paid to my dog. And would any of you share your dog? I don't really want too, but just want to ask. :P Thanks again! :angel:

Well I know horses not people.
When in doubt I hide in my rock garden
But
The zoo movie is a good opener as everyone has herd it on tv..
I balance a barn with 2 studs mares and a household. Emotions are a trick to balance. When you tell him I would leave it in the past or not many times. I would do a lot of reassureance with him. Or as one person did they became a member to get help for a boyfriend who came out to her. He could drop by post awile.
Dont get into 2 accounts though.
I think he is a very inportant part of your life, He has put a lot of work into the relationship. I know about depression and what goes with it..
We all wish you well
Keep in toutch
Rus

This post has been edited by rus80 on Feb 2 2007, 06:28 AM

I hadn't noted that as being a question about your friend when I replied the first time. I'm not really sure how to take that question as it can go several ways depending on what your thinking.

It's really just a personal choice if you want to share your lover. It's the same thing as your boyfriend, would you share him if your girlfriend had an interest in him? ;)
You said it yourself your not really into sharing which comes down to the relationship you have with your dog and whether or not you think that would change something between the relationship with you and your dog.

Personally I don't think an animal can cheat, it will always love the person he has bonded with no matter who he comes into contact with. For a dog, sex is just as equal as somone petting him, and he will always enjoy being petted more by the person he has bonded with despite having a stranger pet him.

If your not into the whole act of having a threesome with the dog and your girlfriend (i.e. at the same time) then again it just comes down to your personal lifestyle and what you deem appropriate.
So if either way your afraid sharing your dog would affect your relationship with him or your just not interested in or uncomfortable at the thought of having a threesome it still comes down to your own personal choice.

As far as asking her if she was into it or wanted to share him that is pretty innocent. She can either be grossed out at the thought and simply sweep it under the rug or she would be interested which is where it comes that you need to make a choice. Any sane human being would understand you not wanting to share your lover, all ye would need do is tell her your not comfortable with it for whatever the reason being.

And to answer you question if I would share my dog I really wouldn't :thinking: Despite having posted the logic that it wouldn't matter to the dog I still wouldn't share him with a human male or female or even another dog for that matter. Like I said, it comes down to personal choice and what you believe ^_^

Awhile ago i was very very shy about my love for horses..Because not only i love them as partners , but also i love them as animals, and i was faraid thet if i show thai like them very much, someone will get an idea about what i am...I was so shy and afraid and God knows what more that i even tried to hide from my friends and family that like watching equine sports , i like rideing and os on ...For awhile , nobody knew i took rideing lessons...By now things are bit more relaxed , they find out one way or the other , about it , and somethime si do have some inyetsting sdiscusions about them with my sisi, but my zoo side is well hiden ...right now i bought a mare , but stil nobody knows about her!
If everything will be ok , i guess somethimes in the future i will come out towards my sis... Wonder about her reaction... :D

Thanks everyone for all your halp with this. I have dropped a few kind of hints so far, and he does not seem to be all to shaky about it. Though every time I have 'accidentlly' brought it up, he has kinda brushed the topic away after just a few moments. I'm going to bring up ZOO from the sundance festival tonight as the last little peice to try to figure out what his reaction might be.


Thank you all for the good wishes and I will let you know more tomorrow or later tonight about what his reaction is.

Thanks again! ;)

Hey guys!

First off thanks for all your help so far!!!!

So last night I brought up the movie 'ZOO' to my boyfriend, we had a pretty good conversation about it, though alot of it was me explaining the movie and concepts to him. Though the conversation lasted about an hour or two. So I guess that was good. He did not seem to put off the movie and the rest of our conversation, and I found out that he had a friend at one point who was acctully in the lifestyle... he said he did not mind that about his friend so long as he never saw it or knew anything else about it. So I guess the last part is a good thing, but his ideas on it were not entirely good. He does not think it is right and finds it to be a violation of animal rights and liberation movements. And just finds it morally wronge that a dog and human would ever make love to eachother.

All in all I am not to sure what to think now. I would love any more ideas on this!

I really need some ideas on how to tell him, and even if you guys/gals think I should tell him. I am almost positive I will tell him either way, but i do want some more advice on the subject.

Thank you!

Can't give much advice on that right now but it's not really possible to change the views of morality in someone who isn't too open-minded. Having told you he had a friend in it and didn't care can be good news. If he accepted his friend then he would likely accept you, maybe not to the point where he would want to know when you do it though. I defiantly wouldn't tell him that your directly in love with your dog or you busy every other night. It would be easier to tell him you have done it a few times overall and that you wanted to know his opinion before doing it more. If he's ok with that then you can slowly let on later on that you've done it a fair amount of times or just leave it at your still inexperienced.

He may believe it to be morally wrong or heavily against animal rights but he accepted a friend and your a lot more than a friend to him.

I've been frying posts and getting into psychology arguments all day on other boards so I can't think very well now so I'll try and post again tomorrow.

:zzz:

I've read your topic quite a few times and wasn't sure how to respond or if I would be able to offer you much help. I read your recent post about your boyfriend's reactions to the new "Zoo" movie and his feelings on the matter.

Judging by your boyfriend's response to the movie, I have a feeling he will not take this well. I'm sorry to say and you need to be very sure you wish to tell him, before you do so. This could be a "make or break situation" for your relationship.

I do have a few very special non-zoo friends who know about my lifestyle. Its not easy telling someone and the thing I remembered and kept in the forefront of my mind, was that they have the right to their opinion. Just as I wanted them to respect my choice, I also had to respect their right to disagree with how I felt. If your going to speak to your boyfriend about this, the advice I can really give from my own experience, is be honest. Really be honest about you feel and what it means to you. Stay calm, keeping a level tone always helps and be ready for him to become shocked, angered or even disgusted.

For the most part, I looked the people who know, dead in the eye and let it all out. I explained my lifestyle, what it means to me and how much it matters in my life. One of the hardest things to do is share your inner most thoughts and wonder if someone is going to tear your head off for doing it. I have been very lucky in that except for one person, these special people have wrapped their arms around me and said we love you know matter how you live your life. Even the person who has a problem with it, still loves me, but they don't understand how I can be intimate with a canine of my own free will. If it was for money, they have no problem with it, but that its my own personal choice, they can't compute that.

I don't know if this helps you any or if it causes more confusion. If you ever wish to talk, feel free to PM me and I will go into a little more detail.

~Pantharas~

<pumpkin> If u discovered beastiality erotica on your girlfriend's laptop what would u do?
<augurey> I'd buy a German sheppard
<MjM> same here
<MjM> did you pumpkin?
<pumpkin> u wouldnt talk to her about morals?
<augurey> Not unless morals was the name of a German Sheppard

from bash.org

OK, let me toss in my two cents... why do you feel that you must tell him your secret?... will that make you both closer?... do you want to share your dog w/ him?... or have him watch?... do you need his approval for something that you enjoy?...

Look hon, keep your secret to yourself... all it takes is ONE ex-lover/friend to ruin your life... do you really want to take that chance?... think long and hard about this move...