How To Get Him Interested In Me?

Hello,
I'm not zoophilic, but my fiance is. When we first got together we had a fantastic sex life, and then it went away. Been like 1 1/2 yrs. He is into zoophilia, which is cool with me, but not really my thing. He prefers online text fantasies to the real thing (which he said was disappointing) Well basically, I would like to know, how do I get him interested in me also? Been trying to figure this out for a Loong time with no luck. Any help would be GREATLY appreciated!!

Ummm well without meaning to sound offensive, most on this forum are greatly interested in zoophilia and would only serve to counteract your goal. With that said the best course of action I can think of is simply talking to him about it. I doubt you can make him stop but you may at least be able to rekindle his interest in your own sex life by bringing his attention to the lack of one.

Hope this helps.

Without implying anything about your current situation (of which I am almost totally ignorant), consider these suggestions. Throw in plenty of :lol:'s to lighten the tone, and don't take it too seriously.

Try being more available. Some men hate the game of having to figure out how you like to be approached for sex. Rejecting advances makes this worse, particularly if he had to beg for it.

Present yourself at appropriate times. This doesn't always mean the same thing to a woman as to a man. Speaking as a man, an appropriate time might be when I'm in bed, but not concentrating (laptop, book, good movie, etc) or asleep. If I don't respond to a simple question in less than a few seconds, it's probably not a good time. It doesn't mean an elaborate setting. If it took longer to set up than it takes to remove your pants, it's probably more elaborate than necessary. The shower is often a good choice (provided he's not on a tight schedule, if so stay out so you aren't sending mixed signals).

Don't use sex as a bargaining chip. While I might play that game to get what I want/need, I won't like it. Men with high sex drive may have much less choice about the decision to participate in that game. It's like tempting an addict with his weakness.

Act interested, even if you aren't. A bored partner is a turn-off and can make a guy feel guilty for making you put up with his needs.

Don't forget that for many men sex does rise almost to the level of 'need'. Without sexual release it can be difficult to concentrate and even the homely of women in the office can be an enormous distraction.

Of course I'm generalizing; all, some or none of these may apply to you. If they sound anti-women's lib or whatever, tough. Talk to the guy that designed the male hormonal system if you have a problem with the way it contributes to male behavior.

Talking as a guy who has had a Gf not into this lifestyle I can assure you it will be a strain you not liking it and him very much into it.

This doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you though, he just feels a little distant from you. Especially if zoophilia happens to be the only non-normal sexual need he has.

The most simple solution is a compromise. Talk to hima obut your feelings and explain to him clearly that it doesn't bother you that he like sit, but if its going to come between you and him being lovers, then something ahs to be done.

The compromise can range anywhere from him being allowed to look at stuff and red it while you pleasure him in conventional means, al the way to allowing him have a pet that he can play with.

but this compromise has to be ok for both of you, and the only way to really fix this problem is by talking about it in a calm clear headed manner and making sure you both understand one anothers positions on the subject

He may be afraid to talk to you about it. He may feel that if he suggests you and him trying to reach a compromise will make you offended and feel disgusted and then leave him.

I hope my advice helps, and please tell us how things go.

Sin

What's crazy about all of those suggestions is it is almost backwards.

"Try being more available. Some men hate the game of having to figure out how you like to be approached for sex. Rejecting advances makes this worse, particularly if he had to beg for it."

I usually just outright tell him I'm in the mood and want to. Although in the past I have (only 2 times I can think of) rejected him. Because it was 3 in the morning and I had to get up at 7. And once because he was drunk of his a$$, was somewhat degrading.

"Present yourself at appropriate times."

That is a trick. Working on getting that one right.

"Don't use sex as a bargaining chip. While I might play that game to get what I want/need, I won't like it. Men with high sex drive may have much less choice about the decision to participate in that game. It's like tempting an addict with his weakness."

Hahahahahaha. I would soo lose that game.

"Act interested, even if you aren't. A bored partner is a turn-off and can make a guy feel guilty for making you put up with his needs."

See that one- HE should hear. I would probably feel guilty about asking him for sex if it wasn't for the fact that I kind of think that it is an integral part of a successful relationship.

"Don't forget that for many men sex does rise almost to the level of 'need'. Without sexual release it can be difficult to concentrate and even the homely of women in the office can be an enormous distraction."

No kidding. Unfortunatley he manages to get this release from the 'net text, I get it from... nothing.

I really appreciate the help, I was hoping someone with the same fetish could give me some insight that those who don't understand it can't. I'm also extremely open minded and really just about desperate at this point, so I'd be willing to give the dog a try, just to see if voyerism gets him interested. But he said that it doesnt. *sigh*

~~~~~


"The most simple solution is a compromise. Talk to hima obut your feelings and explain to him clearly that it doesn't bother you that he like sit, but if its going to come between you and him being lovers, then something ahs to be done."

Well, I have, but he doesn't believe me that it doesn't bother me. You see, it took about 6 months for me to get used to the idea. I pretty much freaked out at first. I really had no idea what it was, or what it meant, or if it was animal abuse, or anything. Scared the hell out of me. That was 3 1/2 yrs ago.

"The compromise can range anywhere from him being allowed to look at stuff and red it while you pleasure him in conventional means, al the way to allowing him have a pet that he can play with."

I would be thrilled if he would even let me in that part of the house when he is looking at stuff/"scene-ing" For some reason it freaks him out majorly. The one or two times he has allowed me to be in the same room while reading a "scene" he had done long ago made him so nervous he was sweating and majorly stressed out.

"He may be afraid to talk to you about it. He may feel that if he suggests you and him trying to reach a compromise will make you offended and feel disgusted and then leave him."

Hmm that may be.. But I suggested to him the idea previously mentioned with voyerism.

Thanks again for the advice, I would love more input if you all have any.

This post has been edited by Skykomish on Nov 26 2008, 10:17 AM

Hello,

So.. role playing :)

I'm not into role playing myself as I haven't been bitten by the acting bug. I can understand though where the attraction is in mentally submersing yourself in such a way that frees you to act in ways you never normally would.

Also, without going to deeply here, a lot of this just may be him. Some people just get so enamored with a good fantasy life that they cannot be excited by an imperfect reality. Sad, but true. I know some guys get so into porn and the impossibly attractive models that they cannot get excited by their SO any longer. Now I am not saying that he is beyond hope or anything, but from you describe I think this may be the case.

As to you being willing experience a dog for yourself, well, I think it's admirable to be willing to do what it takes to save a relationship, but I would advise against it. At least for now. It may be surprising to hear that from a member here, but I think it is the right call. Unless I misjudged your post you yourself have no real interest in this, you would only be doing this to try and get the attention of your BF. Even for those into this sort of thing there can be guilt, fear and all sorts of emotional issues that come up that are only going to complicate things. If you don't have any interest in canine sex and rather put off by it how are you going to feel if you go through with it? Are you going to be upset with yourself because you did this thing that disgusts you? Are you going to blame him and his "filthy" (not my opinion, but I am guessing yours on some level) fetish? What happens if you do it and find you like it? If you do this you will have to live with the knowledge you did it for the rest of your life, no turning back. Are you prepared emotionally to deal with that? I would say do not do this unless you want to do it for you.

As to what you can do is continue to try and talk to him. Don't badger or nag him, he would probably only retreat further away from you. Be willing to listen and accepting of his fears and feelings. You might have been this way all along, but some of us guys are a little thick you know :lol: I would also suggest trying to get him to go to a relationship counselor with you. You won't need to get specific about what kinks you have in the bedroom. But opening up communication is going to be the only thing that saves any relationship. And if he won't open up to you alone maybe he will do it with a therapist. My 2 cents

This post has been edited by doggowar on Nov 26 2008, 02:07 PM

your mate is into dog sex and you are not. be sure you are totaly honest with him about your feelings. it sounds like he has fell deep into the world of cyber and has a hard time with reality as mentioned earlier . this will take a lot to understand.
showing him some drastic efforts will get his attention, a butt plug with a tail attached and "needing him" to help with a dog costume for mutual role play, and /or a strap on to become his male dog that reems him.
he may have slipped into a submissive fantisy that he doesnt want to admit (you may not be dom enuff)or a dom ( you may not be sub enuff)
hope my rambling on helps

Conversation is key. Talk to him about how you feel, but don't say anything to make him feel bad, guilty or insignificant. Try to understand the way he thinks/feels.

Be sexy. Seduce him. You know him best, try to bring him back into the real world. Online role-play and porn is fun, but it should never take away from your real world sex life. You see that, obviously, but you have to somehow get him to realize it. Have you thought about or suggested role playing between you two? Like you acting like a dog? Would that turn him on?

It is. I really think that sex is important. Not the most important thing, but its up there. And as you see, this is a problem that has to be resolved now in order to save your relationship.


Good luck, and I really do hope you two find a solution.

It is most unfortunate that in real life we tend to get used to each other after a while, but with cyberspace one can always find something that will keep arousing our inner sole.

Well I had him look at this post. He said that this is the problem, and will talk to our couples counscelor (we have been going to one since Sept) about it. Who knows maybe she can come up with some way to fix it... anyone have any ideas?

Well, I am only marginally qualified to give advice here. Since I have never talked with either of you and have only some of the information about your situation I am only going to give some very basic advice. Your counsellor who has spent hours talking about your problems is much more qualified.

What I am going to say is in no way shape or form meant to give anyone offense. I would say if what I say conflicts with your counsellor take his/her advice over mine since they know you and your situation much better than I do.

Your fiance is going to have to relearn some basic sexual responses to some stimuli (like you!). This problem is actually quite common since porn permeates our culture. For his own sexual health, and for the sake of your relationship he needs to decide what his priorities are. If he really wants to have a fulfilling sexual relationship with you he needs to be willing to shelve his interest in zoophillia, for a while at least. He needs to be able to "reprogram" himself to be able to respond to you without thinking about how "hot" that story on the net was. He shouldn't be mentally orgasming to an imaginary story and neglecting you and your needs. If he cannot get aroused and excited by being with you despite a lot of well intentioned effort, I would suggest getting a prescription for something like viagra or cialis (whatever your doctor recommends for you) to help him get back into the swing of things. It is going to take time, patience and a commitment to making your sex life fulfilling again. Things like a story here on the BF, a racy novel or the occassional porno can spice things up. But when that becomes the ultimate focus of an individual's sex life everything else just kind of withers away.

For you I would say be patient and understanding. He probably feels a good deal of guilt and shame for not being able to be there for you these last months. This tends to get worse because he knows he is finding some sexual fulfillment while you are not. Be supportive and helpful. It may be best to remove the temptation of beast stories by discontinuing your ISP until this is resolved, or you could put your computer in storage. Whatever it takes to get the relationship working again. Don't nag or complain, but also there comes a time to be firm. If he is unwilling to take steps to make your relationship work over an extended time know that it is time for you to move on at some point. If this occurs he has obviously on some level decided that he would be happier without a woman in his life and be able to lose himself in the internet. If so that is his choice and both of you need to be willing to accept that if that is his decision.

Your fiance sounds like he has a good heart, but needs to get some things straightened out for both of your sakes. Stay in counselling. I don't think you necessarily need to give the particulars of all his (and yours) pecadillos, generalities should be enough in most cases.

I love the BF, but if I found a wonderful woman who was trying to make me happy I would do everything I could to make sure that the relationship worked. If that meant giving up my time here I would have to consider it since any good relationship needs to have compromises and sensitivity for the other person. Hopefully this ends well for you guys, and perhaps some day we will even be able to celebrate you guys spending time here without issues in the relationship. I hope so....good luck

DoW

Well..from what I think you're sayin..you don't mind him being zoo. If this is so..maybe you could try a light hearted approach ?
Here's my hint, for what it may, or may not, be worth. See if you can find yourself a fursuit..dress up as a bitch/vixen/wolf, and present yorself to him, doggy-style ? :P
That will show him that you accept his tastes, and also give him a gentle (but not too subtle) hint that YOU are also available for sex ? :P

1. is this a fantasy he has and wants to keep it that way?

2. would he like to try it?

3. has he actually tried it?

These would first have to be addressed in order for me to even give any advice, also they have to be honestly answered. The one thing has to be determined if he is inro cybor porn and has to be reprogrammed. Yoy say that the first years sex was great . sex needs to be changed a bit to make it new. One thing I have read that in Japanese culture the women are tought to never let the husband see them naked only at a few select times . This keeps you as erotic when he does get to see it. I think this is great advice. If this was a long time fantasy of his and is just admitting it to you now there would need some honesty and a different approach. Good advice here from others !