Advice Needed!

So, here's the thing: i'm in a great relationship, we both love each other and everything is going smoothly (for the most part, you know the occasional bumps and rough spots). My only problem is that i have yet to tell her about my zoo side, as i am afraid this might cause a very large problem, and maybe worst case scenario leading to an end of the relationship. Being a zoo has become a big part of my life, i have been interested for many years, and is something i want to eventually be manifested in my life. I believe sex between an animal and human is just as natural as sex between two people, and i wish this topic was far less controversial (let's face it, this isn't a topic that is thrown out in casual conversation at your local bar or supermarket :P ) I feel the rights of zoos across america should be upheld, and i dream of one day bringing this topic pubic and fighting for the rights of zoos in congress. We are MANY, and it's time our voices be heard. (Though i'm not the politition type, me thinks :) my life revolves around music, and someday i will haed back to school for audio engineering classes, but this is a whole different subject, sorry :) I know this topic would bring about a lot of backlash from the general public, religious [SPAM], etc., and a lot of mud would be flung, but this has generally been the first reaction throughout history when the fight for people's rights has started. We just need someone to take the first step, then preservere. ^_^


anyways, sorry bout that, got to rambling for a bit, back to subject:
I have hinted at this topic with my gf on a few occasions, such as a few family guy episodes (thanks seth mcfarlane for even mentioning that topic on such a broad scale, even if it is in a lighthearted manner :), and the reactions i've gotten haven't been good. so, i guess long story short :P , i don't know when would be a good time to tell her, or even if i should at all, and just keep this hidden away. I want her to know, and it would be great if she shared the same feelings i do, but i don't want to ruin a good relationship needlessly. any thoughts/comments to help me out? please? your feedback is GREATLY appreciated.
thanks for reading through this by the way, pretty tedious i'm sure :rolleyes:

Obviously this is just the thoughts of a simple minded person.. but hell i'll give you my thoughts on the matter.

Wait a while and keep hinting at it to her is what I think, if she doesn't not eventually catch on then just kind of say it when you're back at the house or something. If she had true feelings for you she would accept your lifestyle and your ideals rather then leave you for them. If she likes it too then thats even better. Take caution in listening to her answers, and if you do have to just bluntly tell her, then decide on that accordingly.

But those are just the thoughts of this simple minded wolfy..

:welcome:

moved to zoo ;)

Well my wishy washy friend. You have tried to bring up the subject with her repeatedly with the Family Guy references. But even in that light hearted vane, she reacts badly. What makes you think that'll she'll react any better when hit with full blown reality square in the jaw? Either you need to seriously start some real life discussions on the matter, hell say an online "friend" came out to you and YOU don't know how to react. I'm sure she'll tell you what to do and how to think on the matter. THEN you'll have your answer as to how she'll react. And given that I think its not a good outlook you may have to do some hard evaluation about your relationship with her, and handling your zoo side at the same time. Good luck, but always, always, ALWAYS, be cautious and protect yourself at all times!

How I see it, being honest and being open are the two most important things you can do to make a relationship work. Communication is absoloutely essential: it's why my parents divorced, it's why I'm still single, it just has to be there! Becuase of that, I think she deserves to know, at least if you want to stay with her (and I think you do :P ).

So, now we have this issue about how to fess up to it. I'm no artist with words, however much I wish I were, but I do know that weaseling around the issue just doesn't work. I have never seen a sucessful trial of the 'hint-at-it-until-the-other-person-asks-about-it' method of conversation/confession. Eventually, you're going to have to tell her "I'm a zoophile." yeah it's hard to say. yeah, you're going to get nervous. If you decide to do it, try practicing it in a mirror. I mean, actually say it aloud while nobody else is home. You might just surprise yourself at how hard it is to say even then.

The rest of this I don't see as essential, and if you totally ignore it, I won't be in the slightest bit offended ^_^ . So far, it sounds like her reaction will probably be less than thrilled. Perhaps even so less than thrilled that it could threaten your relationship. You'll want to combat that, and the only way to do that is to make sure she doesn't feel threatened, make sure she knows that she is your only love, and that the only reason you have at least half the balls to tell her about this is because you have such a profound trust in her (also, if one of those statements isn't true, I'd question the validity of the relationship itself). Realize that saying "I like dogs" or whatever other animal(s) you might be into, is essentially the equivilent of saying "I like girls." Unless your partner is fantastically sensible (and most people aren't), that statement is very easily taken as a threat; as competition. Even worse, it's such a deviant act in this culture that she probably never even saw it coming. So, not only are you presenting a potential threat to your relationship (at least in her eyes,) you're also giving her the shock of her life. The two tend to make things worse when they're combined. Just make sure you make it absoloutely clear that you're telling her about this because you love her, and because you trust her, and because she is the only person you want to be with.

And now that I've gone on telling you all about why and how you should break the news, here's the other half of my argument. Telling her might not actually be the best thing to do. I talked a lot about trust and commitment being important parts of a relationship. But if you feel like your relationship is fundamentally lacking something, don't do it. If you feel like maybe this relationship isn't all that serious and you'll probably break up before the year's out anyway, dear god don't tell her! Wait until the relationship is that stable. Wait until you trust her, and she trusts you just as much! Or, if you feel like that's never going to happen, think about whether this is a relationship that you want to commit that much to. If you feel like the only way to keep up this relationship is to deny who and what you are, I'd seriously question whether that was a relationship I should be placing that much value in. Then again, that's just me.

Think carfully, and good luck with whatever decision you make. We're all pulling for 'ya here :drinks:

I disagree somewhat. He doesn't have to tell her everything. Especially if he comes to the conclusion that she's irretrievably anti-zoo. If he thinks that he can't live keeping that secret from her, but realizes she'll never come to terms with it. Then perhaps he needs to think about breaking it off with out telling her that pertinent little fact; as to that being the reason he would choose to break up with her. Its oft been observed that sometimes there can be too much honesty in a relationship.

Gotta say I agree here...finding out her feelings BEFORE outing yourself is the best way to go, in my personal opinion. I myself have always done the honesty approach, but it's not for everyone and in this case if you do feel she's unlikely to be into this(sounds like it from what you said her reactions have been, but that's all we readers can go on) I would find a way to feel out her opinions on this matter without just coming out and telling her that you're a full-fledged zoo or really into this lifestyle. Start slow, find out her feelings first without admitting anything too big about yourself until you know you're ready(IF you ever become ready).

If she's very much anti-zoo and you can't live without the zoo aspect in your life, moving on may be best, but if the knowledge of you being a zoo is firmly in her mind from your own admission of it it's likely to come back to haunt you if the relationship ends. If you can tell she can't accept you for who you are, zoo included, you'll save yourself some grief if you don't admit EVERYTHING upfront.

Hurt and upset people have a tendency to strike out at who they feel has hurt them, remember, and if you give her some truly dangerous ammo to use and you don't stay together then you're likely to feel the sting of that bullet afterwards.

Only you can decide, ultimately, because only you know this woman you care for and how her feelings and reactions will be, and more importantly only you know YOURSELF and what you can live with and without. Good luck :)

Forgive me, I gues I'm not being very articulate. What that sphiele boils down to is that, If you're committed to this relationship, and you want it to go farther, she has to know who/what you are. It may well be the case that her reaction to learning about that part of you will be to end the relationship, and it might even be worse than that. If you are sure that she's going to reject you for who you are, don't bother telling her. If it were me, I'd end the relationship right there, just tell her that you're having personal issues. But only you can guage that, and if you're not sure, only you can decide how much you're willing to risk, and to what degree you're willing to gamble.

THANK YOU everyone for all the imput. It's personally invaluable to get outside opinion, because it's almost impossible by human nature to totally withdraw yourself from all emotion in a situation you are involved in and look at it from a purely clinical, sensible point of view.

guess that's why there are so many therapists out there, eh? ^_^

I believe I do agree with the whole careful but direct approach, seems like the best option as of right now. Things are going great, we are close, but in the same breath I have known this girl for less than a year, and it seems like you could spend a lifetime with someone and never truely, completely know and understand them. True, I may not know exactly how she will react to it, but I know it won't do any good to keep making vague references, hoping she picks up on something. Maybe I am just shy about coming out to her because of past experiences, as I told my ex-wife 2 years back about this, and it came back to bite me in the ass. My marrage ended shortly thereafter, and I lost a few close friends because of my shared secret. (Yes, she was quite vindictive <_< ) I think I will be a bit more careful about how I approach the subject this time around though :)

Thanks once again for the comments, and thanks to southfl for moving the thread to where it should be ^_^