(real life delivers the best comedy ...........)



These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African

Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner.





Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it

rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around

watching them die.



Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.



[May also depend on whether the elephants themselves have been

drinking Amarulla . . . Sorry, in-joke/story . . . Gist, courtesy of

google

-Amarulla is South Africa's most famous drink besides wine. It is

made of marulla fruit and it tastes like Baily's. The fruit of the

marula (Sclerocarya birrea) is well known as the basis for a highly

intoxicating drink. Even in nature the fallen fruits tend to ferment rapidly,

and the alcohol produced is said to intoxicate the game animals that feed

on them.]





Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - Can I follow the

railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres take lots of water...



Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa?

(Sweden)

A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.



Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you

send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?



Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in

South Africa?

(USA)

A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific.

A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does

not... oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in

Hillbrow. >

Come naked.



Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get

here and we'll send the rest of the directions.



Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.



Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y,

which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every

Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.



Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)

A: No, WE don't stink.



Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.

Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.



Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female

population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.



Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.



Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)

A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.



Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all

year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers.

Milk is illegal.



Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can

dispense rattlesnake serum. USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from.

All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and

make good pets.



Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl

I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.



Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.